Confidence vs. Self-Esteem: What Actually Drives Leadership Performance

What if confidence isn’t something you have, but something you build?

In this episode of Leadership Traits Decoded, Cynthia Kyriazis and Drea Martin unpack the critical distinction between confidence and self-esteem—two traits that look similar on the surface but drive very different leadership outcomes.

Confidence is built externally through action, feedback, and repeated results.
 Self-esteem is internal—shaped by how leaders evaluate their own performance and progress.

The gap between the two is where many leaders stall.

Through real examples and practical insight, the conversation reframes confidence as evidence earned through repetition, not a mindset you choose. It also explores how self-esteem develops more slowly—formed through honest self-appraisal, reflection, and growth over time.

The discussion also addresses a common leadership trap: arrogance. Often mistaken for confidence, arrogance resists feedback and limits development—while true confidence remains coachable and grounded in evidence.

For leaders building teams, the implication is clear:
 confidence and self-esteem don’t appear overnight—they are developed intentionally through progressive challenges, clear expectations, and consistent feedback.

You’ll learn:

•  Why confidence is built through action and external feedback 
•  How self-esteem is formed through internal evaluation and reflection 
•  The critical difference between confidence and arrogance 
•  How leaders can build confidence in others through structured progression 
•  Why clarity, alignment, and repetition accelerate leadership growth

Ready to explore your leadership traits? Connect with us on LinkedIn or visit www.plllab.com to see how we transform leadership intelligence into return-driven action.

Transcript

Framing The Two Core Traits

Cynthia Kyriazis 0:00

Welcome to Leadership Traits Decoded. I'm Cynthia Kiriazas, Chief Experience Officer at the Culture Think Tank.

Andrea Martin 0:07

And I'm Drea Martin, Chief Operating Officer of the Crucible. We are collaborative partners at Performance Leadership Learning Lab, where we transform leadership intelligence into return-driven action.

Confidence As Evidence In Action

Cynthia Kyriazis 0:20

Today we're unpacking the leadership traits essential for building, investing in, and scaling successful companies. Our insights come directly from data-driven metrics within our platforms solution. So let's dive in. So, Drea, today I thought we would talk about another two traits that kind of go together or are seen and don't necessarily need to be decoded separately. Because I think there's more of an understanding if we understand both sides of it. And the two I thought of today were confidence and self-esteem. Those are two separate, different traits driven by different things. And I wondered what you could share with us about that.

Andrea Martin 1:00

Yeah, we can kind of break these down together, though I want you to chime in here because we were just talking before we started recording this episode. And I like the way you broke these down. But I'll start us off with just kind of this notion, and we can dive into confidence a little bit first. What I liked about what you were kind of reiterating, and I'll have you elaborate on this, is just so much of what people learn about confidence seems to be in this notion of it's just something inherent, or you just have confidence. You can just one day wake up and decide, oh, I'm going to be confident today. When instead it's really something that's built. It's something where you put forward, you try something, you take action, and then you use that as evidence that then determines how you move forward. What do you think about that? How can you best elaborate on that?

Cynthia Kyriazis 1:38

I was thinking, I was yes, that wasn't what we talked about before. I was thinking about when did I gain confidence? And to just to illustrate the point you were talking about, it was something that somebody said I should try. And then I tried it and I kept trying it until, oh, okay, I got I got pretty good at it. And that was skiing. When I was younger, I didn't know anything. We moved to Seattle. I didn't know anything about snow skiing. And somebody said, Well, you should try because everybody in Seattle skis. Okay. So I tried it and I had next to zero confidence about it, even though the instructor said you're doing fine, you're doing well. That was fine. That was good with me. But I was still kind of in the back of my head thinking, I don't think I'm really that good at it. I think they're just saying that. Or if they were trying to build me up, I said, okay, well, you know, they're trying to build me up. But it was different than my self-esteem. My self-esteem around that topic had to do with what I thought internally was doing, I was doing well, and what I needed to continue to improve on. And it was a matter of listen to the outside and then listen to the inside, that that self-talk can be a winner or a loser for someone, for someone's growth, for someone's change in behavior. That to me was the difference. That confidence came from what people on the outside would say about you and you would hear it from several people. But the self-esteem came from how well am I doing this according to my own belief of myself? How well did I really do that really, really well? Now I never did say that about skiing, but I did say it about other things, things in business that I thought I would I would never say about myself. I said, wow, I did that. I remember the first time I sold to a Fortune 500 and I closed and I didn't anticipate any of that, not the client, not the not the close. I thought, wow, maybe I am really getting better at this. And I felt really good about that because I tested myself and it came out.

Defining Terms: Confidence, Self-Esteem, Arrogance

Andrea Martin 3:31

Very cool. Yeah. So kind of building confidence through that by evidence that you're seeing from something else. Very cool. Yeah, that makes sense and aligns to kind of our own definitions. And I pulled up here kind of how Crucible itself defines some of these. And self-esteem can really break down as that notion of kind of uninhibited by self-doubt. So not allowing self-doubt to be the thing that at least holds you back. So it is kind of that internal what you're driving forward. While confidence has more to do is kind of the belief in your ability to succeed and overcome challenges, which can be then feared and suggested by other people's opinions and kind of your own ability to see what's happening and use prior information to back that up.

Cynthia Kyriazis 4:13

Yeah. So in the way that you phrase that, for me, it was like self-confidence is the idea. I'm sorry, confidence is the idea that you can get from the outside, but self-esteem is the proof that you used it well. Whatever your learning was, whatever the learning was, you could you lose you learned it well, well enough to believe in yourself that you're doing a really good job. So building self-esteem in adults and in children is kind of the same. The, you know, the child may not actually believe that they're very doing something very well. But eventually when they keep trying it, they see that they have that data. Yeah, I'm really comfortable doing this. They they don't may not use those words, but it's the same idea.

Coaching Low-Confidence Professionals

Andrea Martin 4:56

Right. Yeah. And how we see this play out then, which is an interesting one, is yeah, I mean, these are definitely important traits and something we do separate. So pulling this out too, I think often when people think about someone with high confidence or high self-esteem, they might think about arrogance. And I want to share those are different areas. Arrogance is a contaminant, and that's something that's the negative side, maybe of some of this. And that's more the inability to take feedback and kind of believing that you're the smartest person in the room. That's arrogance. Confidence and self-esteem are very healthy. Higher levels of these are great, especially for leaders to have, so that they are self-assured, so that they're not letting themselves be taken down by things like self-doubt, so that they're able to use their own experiences, back themselves by evidence of their own abilities and stand strong in what they can do. There's definitely a distinction there. It's interesting always, though, when we work with a group that has lower levels of confidence and self-esteem to figure out how to best bolster those. So I'm curious, especially from your perspective of like somebody who has lower confidence and self-esteem, which I run into often with younger professionals. And then also can see sometimes if you're in a group and maybe there is some tension, there's lack of alignment and different things that might arise. Some people have a little bit more trouble feeling more confident and having more self-esteem and their own abilities, their own role, their own fit. So I'm curious how you navigate maybe some of those situations within that group, or for that individual who's just starting out, who's maybe a little bit of a younger, less experienced professional who's trying to kind of get their feet in the ground and still be able to portray and do things with confidence, even if a lot of that isn't inherently available and built yet.

Cynthia Kyriazis 6:31

Yeah, I'll go back to my skiing example, which is if you are working with someone younger who hasn't had enough feedback to know whether or not they should be confident and have self-esteem. The issue is recognize that, have a back and forth and give them another step. And it's the same with skiing. Okay, you made it down this hill, now we're going to go make it down this hill. And then these are the different types of skills that you need to get down this hill. And now, okay, you got down that hill. Let's go to something deeper until you know you're crazy and they get you on a black diamond and then you go, What did I do? Right. Because, okay, they really believe that. So, okay, all right. But it's the same thing, it's a step-by-step thing. Nobody jumps into a role and is new in that role or young in that role and exhibits confidence and self-esteem. It just doesn't happen that way. So, very important for our leaders to think about that. How do you instill confidence and support to get through the difficult, the difficult things that in young and inexperienced people need to get through and even experienced ones? That was awesome. Thank you.

Stepwise Growth And Leadership Support

Clarity, Alignment, And Self-Knowledge

Andrea Martin 7:29

Yeah. One other area I think I'd add to this, and this is, I think, a little bit of a trend in our last few episodes. We've talked about this notion of clarity and this kind of notion of alignment. There's something here too, I think one of the best ways I've seen confidence and self-esteem bolstered is in learning more about yourself, understanding more about what drives you, what you can do well, what you can't do well, what areas you need to focus on for development, and using that information to help yourself figure out how you can continuously improve within what you're doing. Taking ownership of the things around you, especially things you can control and driving forward accordingly is an area I'd say I'd add to that of not just the practice on the next hill, but also look at yourself as, in your example, that skier and making sure you have what equipment is helping you, what equipment isn't helping you. What else could you be doing? What else, mindset-wise, can you support yourself with so that there's as much of an internal drive in these areas because so much of self-esteem is truly practice and repetition and kind of building that up. So that's it's an interesting area where I'd say the more information you can have to about what you want, why you're working on this, why this is something you want to gain experience and the impact you want to have, all of these can be incredible drivers for improvement.

Resource Reminder: Arrogance Session

Cynthia Kyriazis 8:44

Oh, for sure. Because anybody who is successful usually says, Well, I did this at this level. What do I have to do to get to the next level? What is it that I need to change about my communication behavior, whatever, that helps me grow? And a leader can do that for their staff very well, step by step. So thanks for that one. I like this one. I also wanted to remind our audience. A couple times we referenced the trait arrogance, and we have done a presentation on arrogance. We have done a session on arrogance. Uh, all you have to do is look it up on the website, and then you can go there and get a little fuller picture.

Andrea Martin 9:21

Yeah, fantastic. Good reminder. Great. Thanks so much, Cynthia. Thank you.

Closing And Where To Listen

Cynthia Kyriazis 9:25

Appreciate it. Bye-bye. Thanks for listening to this episode of Leadership Traits Decoded. You'll be able to find all our episodes on the Performance Leadership Learning Lab website at www.plab.com. Or you can listen on your favorite streaming platform.

Andrea Martin 9:44

We'll be back soon to explore the next essential trait. Until then, feel free to connect with us on LinkedIn if you have any questions or ideas.